For parts 1-3 of My Spiritual Journey, please see the dedicated page on my home page.
My Spiritual Journey Part 4:
I really must try to bring this journey up-to-date because the last post I gave you takes us back to January 2012 so we are at least 18 months behind!…That’s me, sorry, I am a little tardy when it comes to writing, I don’t know why but I guess I over think too much about what I should and need to write, this leads to procrastination and leads to delays of this amount of time J Actually, I guess I am always rather busy with my work, my family, my interests and of course my spiritual journey.
So, back to the journey J After the passing of my beloved father ‘John’ on the 13th January 2012 life was tough not just for me but for all my family, my children went through all sorts of emotional battles because they were all very close to their granddad. After the funeral we returned to China on the 3rd February arriving home o the 4th, that night I was invited out by friends to have a few drinks and to celebrate my fathers life (my friends in Shanghai all knew my father because he had been over many many times). This celebration was a final step in the grieving process for me and brought some closure to my mind…or so I thought! That same evening as I was on my way home in the rain, I slipped and fell on we steps leading up to our home, these steps raise about 1.5m from the ground. As I fell I must have hit my arm on the way down taking the whole weight of my body on my shoulder, as I rolled about and writhed in agony on the concrete floor in the rain and puddles I must have came to my senses, managed to gather enough adrenalin to pull myself up, clamber up the steps that caused me this pain, stumble into the elevator and rise on up to my home on the 16th floor. I banged and banged on my door until my wife answered my calls; and she said, “ Oh my god, your shoulder is falling off ”…. We called for transport and off we went to the hospital, on arrival I was quickly ushered into the x-ray room and before I had even left the room, the radiologist ran out shouting, “ We need to admit him now “…to cut a long and painful story short, I was admitted immediately, my wife signed the papers straight away and quickly underwent many hours of reconstructive surgery to repair my shoulder I had about 8 months convalescence and am left with these: –
“Why Me”, “Why Now”!
While I was in surgery, I felt I had risen out of my body, I was looking down on me, lying there on the operating table, all the Chinese surgeons were working away and trying to fix my shoulder, they were communication with each other, drilling, cutting, stitching and fixing me. It was though I was a medical student observer watching the operation. I must have re-entered my body and woke up a few hours later. The next few days were filled with pain, discomfort and this all added to the recent trauma of my fathers passing. My wife called our children to tell them what had happened; you can imagine this was all they needed to hear so soon after the passing of their Granddad.
Anyway, while I was in hospital recovering, I was often wheeled around the hospital in a wheelchair or on my hospital bed, off for x-rays, tests of one sort or another etc., and while visiting different areas of the hospital I became acutely aware of other people, their injuries, their worry, their plight, their fear and their sadness. I could feel their emotions, hear their silent prayers, observe their sadness, grief and sometimes joy. My healing senses were becoming even more finely attuned to those around me. After a week or so we came home, I felt totally lost, I could not dress myself, wash myself, feed myself, all those daily tasks we take for granted were impossible for me to manage, I fought and I struggled to do all that I could by myself but mostly I had to rely on my wife for all these things we like to do for ourselves…. This made me think more deeply, I started to gain even more admiration for those less fortunate than myself, I now felt for myself the difficulties of going to the bathroom alone, which was impossible, my dignity felt drained and my self respect diminished, my sadness for the loss of my father became even more enhanced, I was becoming lost in my own grief……
Sorry, I need to stop now because reliving this trauma has brought back so many deep and painful emotions, I need to meditate be thankful and get myself back on track.
My Spiritual Journey Part 5 Coming Soon.